As my birthday approaches I always like to take in all the places I've been, things I've learned, and moments I want to cherish moving forward. This year feels like it carried so much meaning in the woman I have become. It's eye opening to stop and think of where life has lead me, especially over the past few years.
I remember graduating college and sitting down at my childhood desk to start writing the book I just knew would become a best seller. The title was "21 and all figured out". Oh if only she could see me now.
Little did I know that being able to order a drink at the bar would not bring all the answers to life's hard asked questions. Like who am I? Why do I continue to float the river when I hate it? Should I get that French Bulldog off of Craigslist? Why did I believe everything that loser said? How much shopping is too much shopping? Will I ever find love? Should I rent that apartment? Do I like my career? Why did no one tell me true love could be this good?
I look back at my 20's and have mixed emotions. On one hand I did it - worked really hard to build a marketing business, lived on my own, built relationships, and most of all survived. But also, sometimes I stop and think "yikes, how did I survive?" My 20's were also a time of major loneliness, poorly constructed boundaries (aka none at all), confusion of why I could give so much of myself and feel so forgotten in return. I cried, A LOT. Fought tooth and nail to gain clients and recognition on a filed that tugged at my emotions every chance it got. Did I mention I dated a loser? I did it all with wide eyes and passion, so many trips to Goodwill, and endless amounts of take out nachos from across the street.
But as I turn 35 I'm beginning to look at what has come before me in a new light. Those scars feel a little more faded, my fear of showing my arms in public is a little less prevalent. I look next to me at that goofy Frenchie and my handsome Lab-mix and think that this alone is what having a lucky life is. I have gotten to experience a love so kind it has given me the space to breath. To see that days don't have to be full of fighting to be heard. I've learned that caring should feel effortless. Experienced a career that shows me every day how doing what is meant for you is the key to success. I still struggle to speak my mind in conflict, but I've learned so much about navigating hard times and what is worth fighting for in this life.
I wouldn't give up a moment of my 20's, but with every year that passes I see more and more just how beautiful life can be. And for that, I say cheers to 35!